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Author Topic: Tales from the Shadowlands  (Read 3019 times)

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Offline Qin

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« on: October 30, 2003, 04:21:13 PM »
Tales from the Shadowlands - A Qinsta Story



Ok so I arrive at the star port looking forward to my new life on Rubika, Apart from the lousy food on the shuttle (cheap shepherds pie and something that might once have been carrots its hard to tell) I arrived with no problems?Oh wait there was a problem due to problem during the flight my luggage had been jettisoned into space, I tell ya I am never flying with easy-shuttle again.



So as I make my way through passport control I am confronted by all of these strangers that now think I am their best friend hunting me down to pound me with useless information about all of the trouble on Rubika something to do with that numbnut corporation Omni-tech and some pissed of workers and how they were battling and some other junk, like really could I give a rats arse? No! piss off leave me alone you self righteous bastards. So wearily I make it to passport control and I hand over my identification and the guy takes a long look at me



?Qinsta?? Said the pompous old trout as she looked at my ID

?Yep that?s what it says on the card? I couldn?t help but be snappy after the crappy meal and flight and the fact that my belongings are now floating round the entri galaxy at this present time.

?Your not related to a Qintakh by any chance??

Oh shit I thought right away someone and clicked that I was related to that ridicules cousin of mine

?No, no relation to me?

?Well in that case move along and please enjoy your stay on Rubika?

So on I go making my way to the departure lounge the final stage in the journey, as I look around I notice all the company ass clowns filing to sign up with Omni suck tech while another bunch look like the gregs and lowlifes take their place in the queue obviously the scum of the earth.



As I make my way to what looks to be the nicer lounge some huge oaf knocks me out of the way and forces me off track and I walk into the wrong lounge and the air tight door then closes behind me.



I now find myself surrounded by timid scared people as well as a few disgruntled old poofs hey what bloody lounge did I step into?



?Hey you!? I shout at the weird little pale kid sitting on the floor playing with his toes

?erm???

?Yes you get that foot out of your mouth and tell where the hell I am? I love shouting at nervous people especially when they look like they are gonna break down and pee their pants

-=gulp=-

?erm your going to Jobe? he said with a quivering voice

?Jobe what the bloody hell is that??

And the kid gets up and runs away to the far end of the lounge and starts rocking back and forth crying. Ah fuck this it just ain?t my day.



To be continued???
iF yA DuN lIkE iT BiTe mE BiTcH!!!

Offline Qin

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2003, 06:04:20 PM »
(ok so i got bored at work and wrote some more and if ya hate the story i'll stop posting but for me its fun to write)

So the shuttle pulled up and it was about time too or I would had to start cracking some head Christ these pansies piss me off while the old poofs need to get their head out their ass before I put my foot in it.



I knew it was gonna be a bad trip when written on the side was SS TITANIC never a good sign but at least everyone is staying the hell away from me. I take the chance and have a slight snooze on the trip down to this ?jobe? place I mean what hell kind of name is that anyway? Sounds like a place where children get molested on an hourly basis for shits and giggles. Just as I drift off some dozy twat nudges me awake to ask me a question

?psst Qinsta you Qintakh?s cousin right??

Ok this guy made two mistakes number one he woke me up. Number two he almost publicly announced that I was related to that foul mouthed idiot cousin of mine, this guy?s gonna get beat down, so I open my eye and give the guy the dirtiest of looks but this son of a bitch has a great big goofy smile on his face, obviously one of the no nob atroxes so its not fault it?s a design flaw all brawn no brain.

?Look you?re a big lad but you got shit for brains ok?

?What??

?Ok I don?t know you but you obviously know Qintakh and if you know that lame ass clown then why would you want to suggest that a gentleman of my stature has any ties to a turkey such as him??

?What??

?For what possible reason would if I was in fact related to said person would I want someone to divulge that information to the general public where I could be whipped to within an inch of my life for sharing the odd chromosome of DNA with that buffoon?

?my head hurts?

?So big guy your cranium seems to be causing you bother to the extent that it is in fact causing you cerebral pain I suggest that you go forth and plung you head into a nice ice cold bucket of H2O?

?So you don?t know Qin?

?That is a negative my esteemed colleague I do not know this person you are referring to and by chance how to you partake in the knowledge of my name??

?I?m going to go now?

?Fair enough idea for a Neanderthal with the wit and charm of a African baboon on heat?



I love making those big dumb bastards feel mentally inferior always manages to put a smile on my face while they stumble off trying to grasp the extent of what has just happened.



Finally we land and I find myself at the end of a very long platform that leads no where other then some turbo lift of some kind. So I make my slowly to the lift letting the rest of the cattle run ahead as I am in no rush. It?s a strange looking place so far this ?jobe? bit messy but the architects obviously had some kind of design shame that it made as mush sense as a solar panel torch.



I Step into the lift and instantly I can smell the putrid stench of where one of those nervous folks from the shuttle has wet themselves with excitement I hate this place already, Holding my breath as the elevator goes up wishing I had some kind of breathing mask to cover the stench I finally reach the top and step out into a garden of some kind and there is a big banner awaiting me welcome to the Training Ground



Ok now I am pissed I never wanted to train and now I am in some pointless garden with lots of idiots running around as if their arse?s are on fire. Now some idiot come sup to me and tells me I got to speak to some doc he?s got a job for me. Fuck that I never came here for no lousy job I came here coz I heard there were some fine women.



As I walk off the platform this guy grabs me

?I suggest you wear this bracer it will stop you from getting ill with the radiation this land emits?

?what the hell this place is disease ridden and I got some queer bracer to protect me that?s a load of crap?

?Honestly test subject 239086-1a that tone will not do?

?Ok fucker what did you just call me? I ain?t no goddamn test subject so take your bracer and your injections and shove them up your arse?

?test subject 239086-1a that is quite enough you signed up to come to jobe?

?Like hell I did I got shafted some big bastard got in my way and I am no bunny for you to carry out your experiments on dipshit?

?Subject 239086-1a so your name is not Frakk?

?No its Qinsta see look at the ID card?

?Bugger?

the guy look embarrassed then he came in close and pulled me to the side to have a private word

?Listen Qinsta here is the deal you stay here get to know the land don?t worry about the tests or wearing this cheap crappy bracer as really its just for show also a nice way fro us to track test subjects it?s a load of bollocks really, but I can?t let you leave the training ground yet?

?No you listen A Hole this is your mess not mine , you fucked up you let me go on my merry way and pray that I don?t sue your ass?

?Qinsta you may be a big of a hard man but at the end of the day see those guys down there they will take you down if you don?t do as I say.

?Ok I see your point?

?Look do as I tell you and play nice and your won?t get hurt I?ll even give you a weapon so you can go vent some anger on the old creature that?s around here then after a short time I?ll tell the boys that you have passed your tests and you can get out of here.?

?Right gimme the fucking weapon and let me play nice with the locals?

So this Drake guy hands me some kind of cheap shit sword that looks like a kids toy and lets me go into the training ground, I knew this damn trip was a mistake
iF yA DuN lIkE iT BiTe mE BiTcH!!!

Offline Trilic

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2003, 04:47:08 PM »
Quote
I knew it was gonna be a bad trip when written on the side was SS TITANIC



lol Qin, you have so many hillarious phrases in your stories....all too funny, and anything that helps pass the time at work is welcome.  :lol:
Trilic Meta-Physicist


Offline Svennyjr

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2003, 08:48:00 PM »
this stuff is great keep writing maybe put somethin about some n00b askin u for help or somethin i dunno i suck at makin stuff up but keep it up i want more laughs and good reading

good job ^^

~SvennyJr~

Offline Qin

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« Reply #4 on: November 05, 2003, 09:19:58 AM »
After about 3 hours of walking about this strange looking garden and taking out a few of the stupid snake and spider monsters i was surprised at some of the loot I got from their bodies I mean had a humanoid head on it. I mean what the hell does a spider want with a human head? I noticed some of the test subjects running around I mean what a waste of energy, I could never understand why people ran unless there was a huge dog chasing after them with a look of bloodlust in its eye and some of these morons the way they run one kid looked like a real right mincer flapping his arms around like that, it fit right in with the Bantram community back on Earth.



(For those of you that do not know the Bantram community this is for you. Bantram is a small coastal Town in the US where all the males of the community run like girls and have to sit down to pee, they are not actually gay but are very touchy feely and take great pleasure in hugging trees)



So there I am laughing my arse off at this Bantram reject when he notices me and skips over to talk to me



?Excuse me what is so funny?? he said in a nasal voice

?Well to be quite honest you?

?Well whats so funny about me, what makes me a joke to you??

?Ok buddy if you want me to be honest?

?Please I find that people are always laughing at me and calling me names but they never tell me why?

?Well lets start of with your cloths, they stink the colours don?t match and are seriously dated, then there is the hair dump the mullet, and your running Oh My God could you run anymore like a girl? And what?s with the skipping? Tell me did you feel picked on at school??

?Erm??..yes?

?Was your only school friend the lunch lady??

then the tears well in his eyes, I almost feel guilty for upsetting the guy but then I realise he is a lame moron and should have been put down at birth, I swear when he was born the doctor slapped his mother.

?Listen make some changes or some big dude is gonna bend you over and take you roughly from behind and before you know it you?ll just be a lil he bitch.?

Then the sissy runs away arms flapping tears streaming and it looks like he is heading to Drake I guess I might have upset one of his experiments so I was quiet pleased with myself on that aspect.



As I continue my walk around the gardens I come across a weird looking creature, like some poor design of nature or something out of a really bad science fiction computer game. It looked like a Unicorn except I could see through certain parts of it and it had the head of a skinny cow, I think I must have got lost as the only things in the area appeared to be wild cats that would eat this thing as a light snack. I approach it slowly and the bloody thing moo?ed at me. What the hell kind of creature is this? After a while the lil sod seems to come close to me and starts following me around, great just what I need, plus side is if I get hungry I could eat it. So I slowly make my way in the opposite direction of the wild cats Unigate my new pet is following me. By the way I named him Unigate after a milk company back on earth it seemed appropriate. Uni didn?t like the snakes much and he seemed a little upset when ever they were close so I decided to just slap them out of the way or flick them at the passers by, as we were walking along I noticed that Unigate had picked up a scent of some kind and was getting excited, so I let him lead for a while, as we made our way down a steep hill I noticed that there were more Unigates it appears I managed to get him home safe and sound I hope no one else was watching after all I have my badass reputation to keep, can?t be letting these weirdo?s think I have gone soft.



After I leave Unigate I feel this awful feeling in my stomach something I am not used to but its nothing to worry about it just appears that doing a good deed doesn?t feel right it almost made me feel good to help others. So to stop this awful fluffy feeling I go looking for that guy from Bantram just so I can bully him a little bit more.
iF yA DuN lIkE iT BiTe mE BiTcH!!!

Offline Svennyjr

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2003, 07:18:54 AM »
more great work this stuff is priceless keep it up if u can i like the way it is going  :D



~SvennyJr~

Offline Qin

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« Reply #6 on: November 14, 2003, 01:31:03 PM »
there is a master plan for this one but unfortunatly i was given a task of updating all the work procedures i n 4 days btw it took 3 people 5 month to do this last time so i have a really unrealistic deadline but hey it will just make Qinsta even more angry at the world next time i write a section. More to come about the people from Bantram the reason why Qinsta hates Qintakh and more random abuse at strangers and Qinsta giving Jobe the finger
iF yA DuN lIkE iT BiTe mE BiTcH!!!

Offline Loverbooy

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Tales from the Shadowlands
« Reply #7 on: November 17, 2003, 03:38:38 PM »
:lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:



Hahahaha Qin you are the bestest writer ev3r in my opinion keep it up and btw the team from hell pwned
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

 

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